Friday, September 30, 2005

goodbye

GOODBYE

its hard to wave ur hand
and whisper the heart-wrenching words
the echo stays there for a long time
it might take days, weeks, months or years
but at the present the ache is just there
weakening ur vitality
makes you feel like your drowning

the time that you bump into each other
ignorance is portrayed
but the moment you need to part
you'll start to cry ur heart out
reminiscing of the times you had together
the troubles
but at most the enrapture of ur company
eventhough its exauhsting
the inspiring aura makes the tensed muscles relax

is miss you so much
i cry out ur name in every heartbeat
inevitable as it may be
i have to say it
goodbye...

CAUSE IM FLUSHING THE TOILET.
this my shit....

no lah!!! im actually toking about obs lah!!!
i miss obs!!! esp my motherly instructor elgene

Saturday, September 24, 2005

obs 2005

outward bound singapore is the most challenging camp i've ever been through so far. i would not say it's fun. no cheers. no rara. but certainly inspiring. we are bombarded by quotes, proverbs, mistakes, challenges, rain, muscle ache, cuts, bruises, blisters and the most; mosquito bites. we camped in deserted areas, inside the jungle with no proper food, hygiene nor sleep.

instructor: elgene is certainly the most patient person i've ever met so far. i admire her for that. she is also a good storyteller. damn her stories get us tensed. and she cares alot for each and every one of us. plus she always says she is pretty and i think she is. i wish she was my mom.

the watch: livingstone. my watch consist of yishun town, seng kang ping yi and west spring. we are the most special watch in obs history and you will find out later.
yishun: kong jia - wa [yesterday], fitri - the store i/c, drusilla - fear of heights girl, cherie - lost sheep aka wild boar aka talking box.
seng kang: suzan - class chairperson aka specs girl, sherly - supplier, jian wei - tall guy
ping yi: haziq - sap!, zahin - king zah, samuel - gay, vivian - home sick.
wsss: jian yong - food i/c, kenny - sam's bf, jane - tawe, eunice - birthday girl

DAY 1
did some admin stuffs. hps, money and mp3s locked away. we did our rationings, packed our hiking bags, we had belay practise. did some team building activity. had our first dinner together.

DAY 2
its raining. placed our bags on the boat to be carried to camp 1. did sone kayaking briefing. practised to capsize. then off to camp 1. damn shoulders and hands hurting. i partner with kenny. then i slack while he paddle. haha. sorry kenny. then changed our clothes. went of for rock climbing. i did the beginners side then the advance. i reached only until the 8th tile. too bad. haziq was the first to reach the top. next was kong jia. then had dinner in the cook house. pitched our tent. the place is so dark men. u cant actually exit the camping site witout a torchlight. so in the morning i almost peed on my pants.

DAY 3
im the ic for today. went for breakfst at the cook. then packed our bags and fixed our tent. i wrote the journal today so i just draw. they were like 'wow'. (yes i am boasting) then went for a hike which almost killed me. we sanged yesterday by beatles along the way. we climbed puakar hill (isit?) aka mt everest. well the hike was rewarding coz when u look down the hill, the sight just took my breathe away. the quarry beside it was filled with crystal clear blue water. it might be the last source of fresh water in asia. it was amazing man i tell ya. after that, god answered my prayers and it rained, so we stopped for awhile inside the shelter for a 4 hr rest. then we head of for the next camp site. a girl named cherie, who was hated by everyone because she talks alot and because she insulted the mighty drusilla durng the cannoeing had an imaginary heart attack. (well its imaginary coz she can tok n laf while having a heart attack) so being the i/c for today, i had to endure her. plus poor hamiz (tenzing) carried her bag. then after seting on the wrong camp site, we moved on and finally reached heaven which is artificial camp site 3. we had our dinner and burried our dump in the campsite (we werent suppose to do that. we 'ton' that night. we kinda rebeled againts the instructors. well i didn really rebelled coz i backed out half way. but it was a nice campfire with the candles.

DAY 4
MY BIRTHDAY!!! kerna wacked (16 x 5) times and a hundred of hand shakes. went for rafting. we built a raft made of pipes, ropes and barrels. we went to the center of the picturesque quarry and messedup the day there splashing water at everybody. as a ritual, we kissed the for barrels and swam ard it. then we had a storytelling by ah ma elgene and as it turned out it was just a bull story. (sotong spray water mixed with saliva on my face) the they encircled me and sang happy birthday with more splashing and wit 'ahai's (effective for drowning ppl). then another excruciating hike. my shoulders officially dropped. i actually peed inside the forest. (cherie kerna attack my fake heart attack again, cloe, the kill joy from tenzing, kerna asthma) then it rained again (oh i love the rain!) and we had a 5 hrs rest bfore setting for camp 2. we sang, made jokes and cheered along the way. i met aisha, hidayu, rani and meiling from tenzing and we walked together while fostering a frendship. wen the camp was on sight, we cheered like monkeys and birds and elgene and ling (tenzing instructor) didn mind. i told u they were patient. we pitched our tents and bathed.

im gg to seperate this part for some reason. as i had bathed, i saw naqia and others writting a report. i was shocked. i found out later that there was a gang fight between shu yuan and cherie (one side, because big mouth cherie told dru's bf that he dru was with another guy) and ming kiat and some other guys (another side, because of jack knife) i missed everything man. damn. then later that night the boys were making monkey sounds in the toilet so 7 instructors went out to reprimand. then i cherie allegedly accused dru for tearing her pants, i was there so i involve. i oso kerna right report. wah. 4 gang fights in one night. nice birthday huh. well off to sleep. oh! one more thing! i burned the medical pouch! world record sia!

DAY 5
woke up. cleaned our camping tools (lost a lot of things) and went to have our morning circle. elgene gave me the group journal as a gift... aww... very touched. then got back our confiscated stuffs. paid a total of $47.50 because of the lost items. another world record. then we went behind the high elements area to try out the tunnel. ah ma elgene told us another story abt this tunnel having 3 exits and we should find the right one back to this area. well, in reality, there is oni one exit. busted... she very good the liar sia... not liar lah but story teller lah. after all these, we lined up, exchanged no ,climbed on board and said goodbye to obs. sad sad situation, but inevitable.met elgene in the port again and made to "L" sign with her. ride on the bus and off home. tired men. but i miss those memories so much. haiz.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

fear

fear
eva pickova

today the ghetto knows a different fear
close in its grip, death wields an icy scythe
an evil sickness spreads a terror on its wake
the victims of its shadow weep and writhe

today a father's heartbeat tells his fright
and mohters bend their heads into their hands
now children choke and die with typhus here
a bitter tax is taken from their hands

my heart still beats inside my breast
while friends depart for other worlds
perhaps it's better - who can say
than watching this, to die today

no no, my god, we wabt to live
not watch our numbers melt away
we want to have a better world
we want to work - we must not die

eva is a jew who died during the holocaust

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

the desire to prove onself and to impress others...
so powerful

Friday, September 09, 2005

soc is finished.
sea is coming
oh god wen do i get a rest

well for the play... i did pretty good
i guess
except for the mic part.
stupid mike.
well.. the audience was dead so cant help it

well that's it for today.
peace

Thursday, September 08, 2005

got a new budget shoes today bought from Buy And Throw Away (b.a.t.a.) shop.
its the power brand. hopefuly it'll last for a week.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

wah... reahearsal damn tiring today leh
830 to 530... siao men...
sweating all the way...
but over all was anice day...
peace

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

ano ba yan... ang hirap mag hanap nang kaibigan.... babano kasi nang mga tao dito eh

Monday, September 05, 2005

sylvia plath - the bee meeting

Who are these people at the bridge to meet me? They are the villagers----
The rector, the midwife, the sexton, the agent for bees.
In my sleeveless summery dress I have no protection,
And they are all gloved and covered, why did nobody tell me?
They are smiling and taking out veils tacked to ancient hats.

I am nude as a chicken neck, does nobody love me?
Yes, here is the secretary of bees with her white shop smock,
Buttoning the cuffs at my wrists and the slit from my neck to my knees.
Now I am milkweed silk, the bees will not notice.
They will not smell my fear, my fear, my fear.

Which is the rector now, is it that man in black?
Which is the midwife, is that her blue coat?
Everybody is nodding a square black head, they are knights in visors,
Breastplates of cheesecloth knotted under the armpits.
Their smiles and their voces are changing. I am led through a beanfield.

Strips of tinfoil winking like people,
Feather dusters fanning their hands in a sea of bean flowers,
Creamy bean flowers with black eyes and leaves like bored hearts.
Is it blood clots the tendrils are dragging up that string?
No, no, it is scarlet flowers that will one day be edible.

Now they are giving me a fashionable white straw Italian hat
And a black veil that molds to my face, they are making me one of them.
They are leading me to the shorn grove, the circle of hives.
Is it the hawthorn that smells so sick?
The barren body of hawthon, etherizing its children.

Is it some operation that is taking place?
It is the surgeon my neighbors are waiting for,
This apparition in a green helmet,
Shining gloves and white suit.
Is it the butcher, the grocer, the postman, someone I know?

I cannot run, I am rooted, and the gorse hurts me
With its yellow purses, its spiky armory.
I could not run without having to run forever.
The white hive is snug as a virgin,
Sealing off her brood cells, her honey, and quietly humming.

Smoke rolls and scarves in the grove.
The mind of the hive thinks this is the end of everything.
Here they come, the outriders, on their hysterical elastics.
If I stand very still, they will think I am cow-parsley,
A gullible head untouched by their animosity,

Not even nodding, a personage in a hedgerow.
The villagers open the chambers, they are hunting the queen.
Is she hiding, is she eating honey? She is very clever.
She is old, old, old, she must live another year, and she knows it.
While in their fingerjoint cells the new virgins

Dream of a duel they will win inevitably,
A curtain of wax dividing them from the bride flight,
The upflight of the murderess into a heaven that loves her.
The villagers are moving the virgins, there will be no killing.
The old queen does not show herself, is she so ungrateful?

I am exhausted, I am exhausted ----
Pillar of white in a blackout of knives.
I am the magician's girl who does not flinch.
The villagers are untying their disguises, they are shaking hands.
Whose is that long white box in the grove, what have they accomplished, why am I cold.

woke up. 9am
met chern wei at bukit batok mrt to give his lost bag
gave me chocolate for helping him find and keep his bag
chocolate eaten by yuan long
bastard
kidding
fizah, aishah and ms yee oso eat
sent my specs for repair
went to sch
went to eat at senja grand with 4 ppl staring at me as i gobble down pretending they din steal my wallet (they werent eating cz no money so saliva flood whole area)
went back sch warm up for rehearsals
ms yee pissed throwing handphone at innocent chair coz alot of ppl never come
i wonder why mr loo always take photo over and over.
mr santok's hair bright blue
cute
went home alone
sad
sory for the dumb story
peace

Thursday, September 01, 2005

shrek's lucky day